


How It Should Be

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 21:31:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5943784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The 'perfect' fanfic!</p>
            </blockquote>





	How It Should Be

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

Remus: Ah, here I am at Hogwarts.

Sirius: Oo. Look! A hot guy! _grabs Remus_ Love me!

James: Gay boys.

Peter: Ah! Look! Strong people!

Sirius: _kisses Remus_ You are my soulmate!

Remus: Damn straight.

Sirius: That doesn't sound right.

Remus: Shag me.

Sirius: Okay.

_They shag_

James: I walked in at the wrong time.

Peter: Food!

\---

Remus: I can't do potions!

Sirius: Let's make chemicals, baby!

_they shag_

James: Hey! A girl!

Peter: Food!

Lily: Hey there, stud.

James: Let's make babies.

Lily: Okay.

_they shag_

Peter: I feel left out.

\---

James: I won the Quidditch cup!

Lily: Yay!

Peter: I'm still left out.

Sirius: _kissing Remus_

Remus: _kissing Sirius_

Peter: I want revenge.

\---

Padfoot: Woof!

Moony: Woof!

_they shag_

Wormtail: _squeak_ translated to mean- I am left out!

Prongs: ....

Padfoot: Woof! translated to mean- That was good sex.

\---

Voldemort: Wooo! I'm scary!

Death Eaters: So are we!

Voldemort: I will kill you all!

James: Lily, let's make babies.

Lily: Okay.

_they shag_

\---

Harry: Wah!

Lily: Aw, he's cute.

Sirius: And stinky.

Remus: Glad I'm not a woman.

Sirius: Let's shag.

Remus: Okay.

Lily: Not in front of the baby!

Harry: Goo.

\---

Voldemort: Peter, you will serve me!

Peter: Got any cheese?

Voldemort: Where do Lily and James live?

Peter: I'll show you.

Voldemort: Yay!

\---

James: Voldemort is coming!

Lily: Hide the baby!

Harry: Gah!

Voldemort: Die! Die! Die!

James: _can't say anything 'cause he's dead_

Lily: _can't say anything 'cause she's dead_

Harry: Uwa!

Voldemort: Ak! _runs away_

\---

Sirius: Bwa ha ha ha!

Remus: You're crazy.

Sirius: I'm going to kill Peter!

Remus: Get some tea while you're out, would you?

Sirius: _runs away_

\---

Peter: Sirius, you're evil!

Sirius: Arg!

Peter: _does his traitor rat thingie_

Sirius: Uh oh.

Minister of Magic: Come with me, Black!

Sirius: Nooooo!

Remus: Where's my Sirius?

\---

12 years later

Sirius: I'm innocent!

Remus: I know.

Harry: Me, too.

Hermione: I know best!

Ron: Let's squish Malfoy!

Sirius: I'm running free!

\---

Remus: I'm old and grey.

Sirius: _shows up at Remus' door_ No you're not.

Remus: Who sent you?

Sirius: The gods, for I am in love! Soulmate...

Remus: Let's shag.

Sirus: Okay.

_they shag_

\---

Harry: Whee, Voldemort is dead.

Sirius: Wanna have sex?

Harry: With you?

Sirius: And Remus.

Remus: You're sexy.

Harry: Okay. Can I bring Ron and Seamus and Draco and Dean and Neville and

Percy and the twins and Oliver and Snape?

Sirius: Okay.

Remus: Orgy!

_an orgy ensues_

The end.


End file.
